Five levels of sex in your marriage life
The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the Honeymoon, you keep doing
it
until you're blue in the face.
The second is the Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage,
where you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.
The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You;ve calmed down a bit, perhaps because
you
have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.
The fourth kind is the Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in
the
hallway and say, "F**k You ! "
There is also a fifth kind of sex Courtroom Sex. This is when you get
divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.
Four Secrets to a Happy Marriage
1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans
2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money
3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have sex
4. It is very important that these three women never met!
Taking Precautions
"I must take every precaution not to get pregnant" said Edna to
Priscilla.
"But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy" Priscilla
responded.
"He did," explained Edna. "That's why I have to take every
precaution!"
Legal matters
A businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the afternoon
with her for $500. So they do.
Before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him,
but that he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her,
calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.'
On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the
whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a check
for $250 and enclosed the following typed note :
Dear Madam,
Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment.
I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the
apartment, I was under the impression that
1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat;
3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there
wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for
$250 with the following note :
Dear Sir
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to
remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you
don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the landlady.
Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present
landlady!
Heart
In a kindergarten class, the teacher ask the class to describe
"heart".
The first girl raise her hand and stood up and said " heart is
red in color".
Teacher praise the girl.
Teacher " Anyone else can give me another answer? "
Another girl raise her hand and got up and said " heart pumps blood".
Teacher praise the girl.
Teacher " One more answer? "
A little boy got up and said " heart has legs"
Amused and puzzled,the teacher ask the boy why he said heart has
legs.
The boy said "I was outside my daddy's room last night and heard my
daddy said 'Sweet Heart, Open Your Legs ' You see, heart got legs!!
Super baby
A baby was born so advanced in development he could talk. He looked
around the delivery room and saw the doctor. "Are you my doctor?" he
asked.
"Why,yes, I am," said the doctor.
The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during the
birth."
He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"
"Yes, dear, I am," said the mother, beaming.
"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he
said.
He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"
"Yes, I am," his father proudly answered. The baby motioned him
closer, then poked him repeatedly on the forehead with his index
finger. "Hurts, doesn't it!?"
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*NOTE: As far as we are aware, none of the above jokes are copy-righted. However, if you have reasons to believe otherwise, please email us and we will remove them if proven. Thanks.
Related resources:
[ Jokes pg 2 ]
[ Jokes pg 3 ]
[ Jokes pg 4 ]
[ Jokes pg 5 ]
[ Jokes pg 6 ]
[ Jokes pg 7 ]
[ Jokes pg 8 ]
[ Jokes pg 9]
[ Jokes pg 10 ]
[ Jokes pg 11 ]
[ Jokes pg 12 ]
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