Why marital sex often dies

"Why marital sex often dies..."

2) Why Marital Sex Often Dies

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

In this pull-resist system between Bill and Jan, a number of changes need to occur for the passion to come back into their relationship. Bill needs to stop trying to control Jan. He needs learn how to take responsibility for his own feelings and well-being - for validating himself and filling himself with love, rather than always trying to have control over getting something from Jan. He needs to be practicing a spiritual healing process such as Inner Bonding (see our free course at http//www.innerbonding.com). Jan needs to learn to speak her truth rather than either complying (having sex even when she doesn't want to) or resisting. She needs to tell Bill that she is not turned on to him when he is pulling on her for sex, or for anything else such as time, attention, appreciation or approval. Until she is ready to speak her truth without blame or judgement about his emptiness and neediness, Bill cannot understand what the problem is. He will think it is just because she is frigid or has some other sexual problem, and will not understand his responsibility in their marital system. Jan also needs to practice Inner Bonding or some spiritual healing process in order to become strong enough to speak her truth.

Most women are turned on to a man when he is in his power, feeling good about himself. Neediness is not a turn-on. Men, too, are often not turned on to a needy woman, a woman who needs him to make love to her for her to feel safe, worthy and lovable. In our society, it's more common for men to attempt to get their validation through sex than it is for women, which is why more men than women pull for sex. In either case, both partners need to do their inner healing work so they can become strong enough to be truly loving with themselves and each other.

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com